It starts out with this hyper little fucker named Max who
apparently gets fed pixie sticks and crack for breakfast every morning. In the first five minutes of the movie, he rapes the family dog, trashes his sister's room like a hair band in a hotel, bites his own mother, and then runs away from home. Right now I'm thinking that things are going to get interesting; maybe one of his disturbed but good-natured neighbors will find him and go Black Snake Moan on his ass.
After all, this kid obviously needs some Adderall and a good beating.Instead, the little prick ends up jacking a skiff and he suddenly becomes an eight-year-old Jacques Cousteau in a dinghy. Eventually his luck runs out and he ends up capsizing and washing up on shore like John Denver.
Somehow he ends up on the Island of Misfit 'Tards with a dysfunctional family of huge Muppets. I'll mention here that I never read the book on which this movie is based, so I'm not sure what the tone of that was. But the remainder of the movie is what I would expect a bad acid trip would be.I m
ean look at these freaks - they're like friggen homicidal rejects from The Island of Doctor Moreau. These creatures are not something that you would want your kid to play with. One of them, Carol, seems to be all roided up and is domestically abusing all of the other furries. I shit you not, he's even hiding the bodies of the previous visitors to the island.The others include a manic-depressive goat, a bird-like creature who literally ends up getting one of his arms ripped off by James Gandolfini, some bull-dike bitch who keeps threatening to eat Max, and K.W. who is the roaming cock-tease of the island.
Carol would probably be much cooler if K.W. would stick around more and at least give him a handy, but instead Max shows up and introduces all kinds of sexual tension. Yeah, this movie goes there. Not only does this movie look like it was directed by some dude who had dead animals and severed limbs hanging above his crib as a kid, it also has an eight-year-old "inside" of one of the creatures. Thats right, beastiality and child porn all in a movie that's rated PG.
I won't ruin the ending for you suffice to say it really pissed me off. It made me long for the simpler times when you could beat the living hell out of kids without them being able to escape by using their imagination.
