R.I.P. Wayne Static

As some of you may know, the metal world took a hit a couple of weeks ago when Wayne Static passed away in his sleep at his home in the California desert.  Wayne wasn't quite 49 years old and everyone has been shocked by his passing, especially knowing that heavy metal front men have a reputation for taking excellent care of themselves.  Although autopsy results are still pending, it has been widely speculated that Wayne died of an overdose of being entirely too awesome.

He was the founder and lead singer of the band Static-X.  Although arguably lesser known, I'd put them in the same league as some of their cohorts like Sevendust, Korn, Slipknot, Mudvayne, and Sixpence None the Richer.  I still have fond memories of their debut album, Wisconsin Death Trip, which eventually went platinum and often served as background music in my dorm-because the soothing tones of industrial metal have the kind of calming effect conducive to efficient studying habits.  I had the pleasure of seeing them live multiple times and I can tell you that they put on a hell of a show in a time when it still meant something to be spit on by your favorite lead singer.  Now Wayne is gone and I'm at the age where it is way too creepy for me to go in a mosh pit with a bunch of teenagers, at least I'll have my memories of the old days.

As an homage to Wayne, I decided to style my hair in the iconic fashion that he had when Static-X first became popular-a straight up hairdo like Marge Simpson just got electrocuted along with a ridiculously long braided goatee.  Of course the hair on my head wasn't long enough; so I had my undercarriage styled instead.  That is why this post is a couple of weeks late.  I had to gather up enough pubes so that I could daisy-chain them together to make a scrotum braid that Wayne would have been proud of.  For the the rest of November I'll be referring to my genitals as "Pighammer" in reference to Wayne's only solo album.  Take that "Movember."

Here's a bit of random trivia for you.  Before Static-X, Wayne played in a band called Deep Blue Dream with Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins fame.  I tried finding some of their old tunes but I wasn't able to.  I bet it would be a hell of a sound-like something that would simultaneously make you want to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills and punch a baby at the same time.

Here's one more.  Wayne was married to Tera Wray in 2008.  She is a former adult film star known
for her work in the alternative porn scene.  Her Wikipedia page says, I shit you not, that, "...she probably became the first person to perform a hardcore sex act on film while their partner received a tattoo."  This is surprising to me not only because this is apparently a thing, but also because this sentence insinuates by saying that she is the first, that there have been others since.  That's pretty metal.

Well call me a nostalgic romantic but I'd like to think that wherever Wayne is right now, he's looking down on Tera and bangin' groupie angels while getting a tattoo.

Think Before You Send: Part II

I've used Craigslist a few times in the past but I try to only use it sparingly when I'm getting rid of shit that is too big or heavy to shove into my trash bin.  I found out quickly that you can get rid of anything on Craigslist if you post it for free.  So far, I've gotten rid of a chest freezer that didn't work, some old rotten windows, half of a yard of dirty lava rock, and a bag of used syringes - that last one was just to see if  someone would take them.  Its always a treat to see what kind of toothless hill people come out of the woodwork for free shit.  In fact, if you're looking for a website that will increase your chances of being raped and stabbed in a parking lot, Craigslist is for you.  There have been few non-Walmart related times that I've been more certain that our civilization is destined to collapse in a pestilent pit of food stamp fueled obesity, laziness, greed, and Honey Boo Boo-esque trash as the story I'm about to tell you.

 You see, the wife and I were moving up in the world and we had just purchased a new bed frame.  That meant that we were fixing to get rid of our old one.  Here is the original post:

Now I thought that was pretty simple and straight forward, that is until this email chain happened:

Notice that my original post doesn't say anything about selling a bed.  This is like trying to buy a belt and asking why the belt doesn't come with a pair of pants.  Those people that know me, including the local police department, know that I've got a bit of a short temper.  So when I get asked stupid questions like the one that Vonte asked, sometimes I respond by being a smart ass.  Which is exactly what I did here.

And for some reason, Vonte never responded back.

(Last names of those involved have been removed to protect the incompetent.)